Ultimately as human beings we are scared of conflict. Yes you did hear me clearly. WE ARE SCARED OF CONFLICT. This may seem like an outrageous proposition considering our evolution. After all we did descend from cavemen who's job and duty it was to kill other animals. In fact they relied on conflict (specifically killing other animals) for their very own survival. Ever heard of Darwin's survival of the fittest? And what if you had a problem with another member of your tribe? Did you go to mediation? NO. Did you go to relationship counselling? NO. You physically fort it out. And assuming you didn't kill each other, you both moved on with your lives. Do you think they had anger management problems back then?
Our evolution is not the problem. It has provided us with a very effective way of dealing with our anger...by dealing with it at the time, usually through conflict and physical conflict at that. In fact the use of physical violence to settle disputes has been present throughout history, it only has died off recently (excuse the pun).
I asked my grandfather and uncles how they use to deal with disputes during their school years. And in both generations they said that they would settle a dispute that they had with someone through a physical fight and shake hands with the other person afterwards. Now I'm not condoning physical fighting and suggesting that you should settle all of your fights with a physical confrontation. What I'm suggesting is that you should deal with your anger as it arises and don't allow it to fester and turn into more anger within you, which ultimately you are not in control of.
Mark is a registered Psychologist in Brisbane, Australia specialising in Anger Management
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