Is There Such A Thing As A Law Of Human Attraction?
We hear a lot these days about the laws of attraction. From theoretical physicists working out the fundamental laws of electromagnetics to popular works such as 'The Secret' and 'Think And Grow Rich' it's impossible to turn around without seeing another 'law of attraction'. But are there any real laws of attraction when it comes to relationships?
Is Attraction Just A Matter Of Chemistry?
Maybe so. Scientists have known for some time that attraction between animals is largely down to chemicals known as pheromones. Many animals, such as ant colonies, communicate largely through pheromones, and even amongst creatures who largely rely on other forms of communication, pheromones play an important role in sexual attraction. Some species of apes have been known to rub pheromone-containing urine on the feet of potential mates to attract them. I don't recommend trying the same trick on the cute girl from across the office though!
One of the main functions that pheromones play in sexual attraction is thought to be communicating genetic differences. Evolution has programmed animals to seek mates with just the right balance of genetic difference and similarity, as this helps ensure that offspring are strong and healthy.
Research conducted at the University of Bern seems to confirm this view. In one experiment, women volunteers were asked to sniff the cotton shirts of different men during the ovulation point in their cycle. It was found that they preferred the smell of shirts worn by men with a particular balance of genes: genetically different to the woman, but with certain specific similarities to her genetic pattern. It's worth noting, however, that these preferences can be disrupted by the foods we eat, perfumes and other scented body products, and by the use of hormonal contraceptives.
Is It All Down To Personality?
To an extent. But 2003 research carried out by E.C. Klohnen and S. Luo on interpersonal attraction and personality showed that a person's perception of their potential mate's personality was key, whether or not that perception was actually accurate. The person's sense of self-security was also found to play a large part. Discovering somebody's true personality can take some considerable time, but attraction works on a much shorter timescale, which means that we make subconscious assumptions about a person's personality and are attracted to them - or not - on the basis of these assumptions. Which is perhaps why so many relationships fail with the words "They're just not the person I thought they were."
What Part Does Attraction Play In Relationships?
Attraction is but a prelude to a relationship. It is a strong factor in the beginning, it is decisive in whether a relationship gets off the ground or not, but attraction alone is not enough to sustain a relationship. Attraction draws you to that person across the bar, but a deeper connection based around shared dreams and values is necessary to keep a relationship going for the long term.
Is It Wise To Focus On Making Myself Attractive?
Physical attractiveness is important, as I've said, but it's more important to work on all areas. Physical health, emotional stability, mental ability, and spiritual peace. Physical attraction is a precursor, evolution has programmed us to look for strong and healthy members of the species to hook up with, so certainly a healthy diet, a bit of exercise, and being well-groomed are all important. But not at the expense of other areas. You can be the most beautiful person in the world but if you're incredibly insecure about yourself nobody is going to want to be with you for long. You need to be comfortable with who you are, and you need to like every aspect of yourself.
And it's no use pretending to be somebody you're not. You might be able to get somebody to be attracted to you on the back of this, you may be able to fool somebody into thinking that you share the same values, but you're just setting both of you up for disappointment in the long run. When you are a healthy and fulfilled individual, attractiveness ceases to be the goal and becomes but a side-effect. When you stop focusing on making yourself attractive you will, paradoxically, become far more attractive.
Be the best person you can be - for yourself, not anybody else - and you will attract the right people into your life and set yourself up for long-term harmony.
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